When a question like this is posed to you, how do you answer? Are you like me and quickly say yes, but have a ‘but’ in your thoughts that you do not say out loud?
Yes, of course I believe He is Sovereign, but, I am having a hard time completely trusting Him.
Or
I do believe He is Sovereign but, it’s just not working out like I planned/thought/hoped.
Or
I’m not sure because the answers are not coming and the suffering is increasing.
To be honest, my answers are like this on a daily basis and somewhere in between all of this as well. There are times when I can emphatically say, “YES, God IS Sovereign over my suffering, without a shadow of a doubt." And then there are times when that shadow of doubt creeps in.
The one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12b
This is truth. This is what sets us apart from ones that do not know God. Those that know God rest between His shoulders. What an incredible place to be. Picture it in your mind’s eye. Complete security and comfort. Complete protection. When one is there, one feels the movement and action of the strong and mighty Shepherd. One feels the heart beat when all is calm and one hears the breathing of the LORD.
Words do not need to be spoken in this very intimate place of rest. Words are understood without being uttered. There is absolute surrender in this position. Complete trust. No struggle to get down off of the shoulders – why would one want to, anyway?
If I climb down from those shoulders I am vulnerable, lost, scared, exhausted. And, fighting against what God wants to me to do. Stubborn to get my own way. Acting like a spoiled little girl of five years old.
Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long. Deuteronomy 33:12a
This is the first half of the verse mentioned above. To be in between the LORD’S shoulders means rest, security, protection, and trust. To be in this place of surrender means that one trusts in the Sovereignty of God. Wherever God goes, I go. Wherever God leads, I follow. Whatever He does, I accept. He is SOVEREIGN over me.
Even in suffering. Because in my affliction I need that rest – I am exhausted from the pain and sleepless nights. Hanging out on His shoulders I do not have to worry about a thing. He has got it covered and taken care of. He knows what I need – I am on Him, pressing into His shoulders, I am near.
I know, O LORD, that Your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me. Psalm 119:75
What? Is this verse even possible to be true and in the Bible? Yes on all counts. And, by my saying that I believe God to be Sovereign in my suffering I can actually say, out loud,
Psalm 119:75?
And mean it?
Yes. It is because that is what it means to trust, believe and have faith in a Holy, Righteous and Sovereign God.
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me.
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
- Corrie ten Boom