The Silence of God
I used to think that there is no such thing as thing as "The Silence of God." I now know differently. I have been a faith-walking, Bible-reading Believer for over 35 years and I had never really experienced God's silence. Yes, I have read about the 400 years of silence between the Old and New Testament. There was a lot of sin on the part of the Israelites for that silence. I had erroneously thought that His silence was in direct proportion to man's disobedience.
My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but You do not answer, by night and am not silent. Psalm 22:1-2
I have read those words a million times, but their impact did not hit me. Until this affliction. I have a very active prayer life. In fact, I love praying and talking with God. I love hearing Him speak to me through the Scriptures. Sermons, music, books and friends have also been used by God to speak to me. But, in regards to my health and a diagnosis, God was VERY silent. We did not know what was wrong, nor did any doctor. We had tried everything. Then it occurred to me. This silence is like having a conversation with my husband and never talking about one of our children. God was not talking with me about something that is very integral in my life. He would talk to me about everything else, but what was going on with my body. I was living in constant pain and we did not even know why. It was silence you could cut with a knife.
Then at the end of April 2015 God broke the silence. I was reading in my Bible in 2 Kings. I was finishing up a personal study on the cycle of good kings/bad kings. It was my last session on this topic. I hit the brakes when I read:
In the thirty-seventh year of the exile of Jehoiachin king of Judah, in the year Evil-Merodach became king of Babylon, he released Jehoiachin from prison on the twenty-seventh day of the twelfth month. He spoke kindly to him and gave him a seat of honor higher than those of the other kings who were with him in Babylon. So Jehoiachin put aside his prison clothes and for the rest of his life ate regularly at the king's table. Day by day the king gave Jehoiachin a regular allowance as long as he lived. 2 Kings 25:27-30
God in His infinite mercy broke the silence. I was overwhelmed when I read that. I just sat and cried and cried. It gave me hope to keep going. To keep on even though I don't know what is going on with my side and how long this affliction will last. It was like being lead to a very deep well and allowed to drink for a very long time. I had found the living water that I needed so desperately. Oh, it felt sooooo good.
As I type this, it has been 10 months since that moment mentioned above. And do you know what? God has not really spoken to me about my health since that night. When I say not spoken, let me clarify. Last summer I was told by a dear friend about a physical therapist who might be helpful. I called him and had a very encouraging chat. He recommended that I see a physiatrist. I found his practice online, checked it out, left him a message. I called his office and also left a message. I even called my own doctor here in town. After I had done that the Lord asked me what I was doing. I thought I had prayed about it, but obviously had not listened long enough for an answer. So, I repented and asked God to take over. I am not capable of making the best decisions for myself. Well, I NEVER heard back from anyone. This same type of scenario just repeated itself in January. I had gone to my chiropractor and he noticed something in my rib-cage that he has never seen in his practice. So I had him write it up and submit it to my doctor. Well, that was 2 months ago. Either I have an unlisted number to all medical personnel, or God is not wanting me to do anything. Remember, I asked God to take charge. I was doing my due-diligence and following up on what I thought was right. So how do I explain it? His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). Since this affliction was given to me I have had the same thing played out numerous times. Why do I keep fighting it? Human nature I guess.
The bottom line in all this? The silence of God is real. I know. I'm experiencing it right now. However, I also know that God is real. He is good. And what He does is good (Psalm 119:68). He is the One who gave me this affliction, put me in a prison, solitary confinement. And He is the only One who has the key.